My Suicide Note
by Candykaykay2001
Summary: " I'm tired. I'm so fucking tired." Rated T for suicide and language.


**This is what this song sparked. I do not own My Suicide Note by Stacy Barthe or Big Nate.**

… **...**

 _I've been here at times, more to be foreign dear._

A tall pale boy stood in front of small camcorder setting it up. The room was mostly dark and cleaned. Candles were set up around the room giving it a eerie, ethereal glow. Once the boy had finished setting up the camcorder, he pulled out a chair and turned it on. Then he broke the silence of the room.

" Hey. I bet everyone's wondering why I'm doing this. What would make the most happiest boy you think of commit suicide? Well news flash. I'm not happy.

 _I am talking myself off the ledge again._

" I haven't been happy since freshman year. Since everyone abandoned me. Since my grades have been dropping. Since I quit sports because they didn't make me happy anymore. Since I would sit in my room and would just brood. Since I quit _drawing._ I haven't made new comics in months. Since I couldn't find it in myself to smile anymore. Since _everything._

 _Is it really that bad babe, yes yes it's pain that I can't bare._

" I'm tired. I'm tired of pretending. It's been two years since then and I haven't gotten any better. I'm so fucking tired. So I'm ending it all. I'm throwing away this mask. This facade. Though not before I say a couple things. I'm not going out without at least speaking my mind first."

So Francis your first. Dude we were the best of friends. Two peas in pod. Sure we were different. Sure we got in our share of fights, but you were my best friend. The brother I never had. Then you decide to _fuck_ me over. You got rid of your best friend for a little popularity. Although it started off small. You wearing contacts, joining sports, wearing cooler clothes...I just thought you were finally coming out of your shell. I never thought you would just chuck me away like a piece of trash. "

The boy laughs a little. A deep bitter laugh.

" I never figured. But I guess I just have myself to blame for not seeing the signs sooner."

Sighing, the boy slouched a little in his chair.

" Teddy your next. You on the other hand weren't like Francis who just abandoned me. You told me off and left taking Dee Dee and Chad with you for a bet to get in with the cool crowd. I still remember the last words you said to me. Let me just quote you: " I hate you. I hope you go get run over by a truck and die because you are a horrible human being." Harsh. I know people can get overrun by greed, but hell Teddy. I didn't know you would join my backstabbing ex best friend."

The boy bit his lip tears bubbling over dripping onto his blue jeans.

 _What do you do when there's no cure?_

" To Teddy and Francis. I don't hate you. I don't forgive you either. But what does it matter? It'll be to late to say I'm sorry and then my blood will be on your hands. So see you hell.

" To Dee Dee and Chad. I'm not mad at you because you didn't do anything wrong, but I am pretty pissed that you guys don't have enough courage and conscious to at least decide for yourself. I guess popularity was to go of an opportunity to pass up."

" Next is Arthur. Arthur. You never did anything bad. In fact I want to thank you for always sticking by my side until the end. I miss you like crazy and I hope your having fun in Europe. Since this is the last time I'm speaking to anyone, let me just say I used to be so jealous of you and then I figured out it was pointless. I wasn't going to be you. I never would. So I gave up. And I'm so glad I did. You were a great friend Arthur. I hope you have a nice life."

The boy lifted a hand to his hair and ran it through sighing.

" Next is Jenny. Jenny you are a total _bitch._ I have no clue why I chased after you all those years. You were just icy and cruel to me all those years. But despite that I hope you have a nice life."

" Last but not least Dad and Ellen. Ellen I love you so much. I'm gonna miss you when I go to wherever I'm going. I hope you have so many kids and live such a good life. You will be a great wife and mother. I know it. Dad. I love you so much. I'm sorry I'm doing this but it's for the best. I hope you finally get married to Holly and live the rest of your years beautifully. I'll be waiting for you if I ever make it to Heaven. I'm going to miss you both."

 _I'm going through it, little voice in my head saying "Do it"_

Wiping tears from his eyes he turned his focus back to the camera.

" Now that that's out the way I have a couple more things to say. I'm depressed. I know I am. There's no changing that. So I'm going to take the quick and painless way out. I'll be dead before you even see this. So there is no point in trying to save me. It'll be to late. So see you in hell ex-friends of mine and I love you Arthur, Dad, and Ellen. Nate Wright out. For good."

Reaching over he grabbed a sleek black object and put his index finger on the trigger. Raising it to his head, he said his last words.

" Goodbye world. May god preserve my soul."

Then he pulled the trigger.

 _It would just be better if I wasn't here._

… **...**

 **Not awesome I know, but I kind of wrote this quickly so bare with me. Anyways read, review, fav, follow, etc. Bye!**


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